Fashion is Fun ... or Forget It!

Recently, I have come under mild fire (Note to self: when craving 'constructive criticism' on all life views, start blog) for perpetuating the Beauty Myth. That is, I have been accused of succumbing, as Naomi Wolf might put it, to the great media machine that is keepin' women down -- "using images of beauty against women" -- with worry about what's fashionable instead of what world issues need fixin'. I am, apparently, wasting my time and talents. (Note to self: I have talent. Oh goody.)

Somehow, I feel the need to defend myself so ....

C'mon, lighten UP for Chrissakes! POP goes the culture, people. Really, if it makes you feel better, I swear I spend most of my days supporting great causes and battling injustices in the global marketplace. Yeh. At night, I simply come home, hang up my cape, and put on the relaxing garb of Fashionista and Diva. Think of me as a blogging Barbara Gordon. (Um, you know? Batgirl. Good, you're with me now.)

Let me clarify for once and for all.

Fashion is properly viewed as a game -- a sport, if you will. And the point -- fanatic fans and stage mothers aside (hello Teri Shields and Mama Aguilera) -- is to PLAY. It's supposed to be FUN. It should make you feel BETTER... not worse. Um... duh.

Consider: Guys love sports. (Yeah, yeah -- it's a stereotype. Go with it for a sec.) They obsess about stats, teams, and who traded whom to where. They gather at Thanksgiving and tackle each other mercilessly Oakland Raiders style. They join leagues and teams and come home after 'Tuesday soccer night' banged up, bruised -- and happy as clams. Their sore muscles pale in comparison to the weekly ritual of post-game bonding-over-beer with buddies.

Fashion is no different. (Stay with me here.)

We chicas read our fashion mags. We obsess about skirt lengths, heel heights and who wore what to where. We gather at black-tie events and wear Jimmy Choos that are impossibly high and mercilessly squash our toes. We join our gal pals and cruise Union Square on random Tuesdays. Our blisters pale in comparison to the ritual post-shopping carping-over-cocktails with the chicks.

Sidebar: In the spirit of sports fans everywhere who spend each sport season picking "fantasy teams", there is now a Fantasy Fashion League. Oh yessssss. The "season" goes from Fall premiere time through the Oscars. You sign up (create your own team or join a public one); choose designers and celebs (there's an official draft); and accumulate points for how many times your designers are mentioned in named fashion press during a week. Offshoot leagues have formed that now cover a yearlong Celebrity League and the Country Music Scene. Water-cooler conversations about "picks" are no longer just for the boys!

Anyway.... the point is: we enjoy ourselves when we PLAY our various sports, be it football or fashion.

So the additional point is that when we stop enjoying ourselves... then and only then ... let the madness end! No sport should make a slave of its devotee. Noone should be tossing balls with a dislocated shoulder -- and noone should be obsessing about fitting into the latest micro-mini or wobbling through carpool duty on Manolo 104s.

The EveryDay Diva reminds you of the real golden rule: If it's not feel-good fun, forget it!

Therefore, this post is dedicated to those fashion trends -- recently reported up-to-the-minute manias -- that should be bucked like a bronco, baby!

Trends are, by their very nature, temporary. More to the point, in fashion at least, they are usually born out of some whacked out designer's idea of what would look just absolutely fab on his/her muse of a 6-foot, 110-lb., coked out model at 3 AM in Bungalow 8. Naturally, therefore, many of these ideas will be seriously unflattering (read: UNfun) on a population that averages considerably shorter and rounder and lives in non-vampiric daylight.

FYI, in 1950 the average woman was a healthy size 12 -- displayed in all her full-figured glory in ad after ad. Check out these from Maidenform. Seen anything over a Size 0 in an InStyle ad lately? (Note: The Dove "Campaign for Real Beauty" gets a rare pass. Love those REAL girls.) Hey, PLUS size model Emme, while an outspoken advocate for beauty at any size, is a mere 14. Cha! Fashion editors take note: We love to play with your wares -- truly. But we are not now -- nor would we ever want to be -- freakin' Kate Moss. Thankyouverymuch.

This then, is my take on What Not to Wear (the British version -- forget the rip-off TLC American version) if you, like me, are an average female human*:

* Note: Darlings, but of course the EverdayDiva means average in size and shape.
We are never average in attitude and fabulosity.

Wide, wide belts. I truly wish I were slender enough for this trendy look -- but cinching one of these around my waist, I'd have to forgive the folks at Jimmy Dean for mistaking me for sausage links. Choose a max 1.5" wide leather or canvas belt around the waist -- or better yet a low-slung wide belt worn low over the hips. Still of-the-moment trendy -- and yet you will NOT look like breakfast food.

Leg warmers. I don't care if Gucci puts them in 87 hip new ads and they're not wool but thin grey cotton. They are still undeniably, unavoidably Jane Fonda. Unless you are heading to dance class, I suggest you choose patterned or textured hose. Better yet, it's summer: head to the Estee Lauder counter for the best tanner made and go California bare. Besides, I'm with Ted Turner -- I want nothing to do with Jane or her legs.

Skinny Jeans. I loooove this look -- especially scrunched over stilletos. Please, as mentioned to death I am a child of the 80s. Sadly, all legs are not created equal. Moreover, all butts are not created equal to the legs upon which they sit. Please be honest with your mirror -- you cannot stuff 20 pounds of potatoes in a 5-pound sack. Stick with the bootcuts.

Big Prints on Small People. Huge flowers are all the rage this season -- the larger and leafier, the better. Alas, if you have a small frame you will tend to look like my grandma's garden wall gone mad rather than a fashion-forward diva. Stick to smaller prints on white or pastel. You'll still look super summery but NOT like you're needing to be trimmed down.

Wooden Platforms and Espadrilles. Now don't get me wrong. The higher the better, as far as my shoes go. I loooove having a little extra height from which to view the world. But hey, even Naomi Campbell infamously fell off her Vivienne Westwood 5" platforms -- halfway down the runway, no less. Yowch. Seriously embarrassing, not to mention painful.

Anyway, heels that high are not meant for mere mortals -- or those whose day generally consists of anything more taxing than daintily crossing your legs in a Louboutin ad. Love them from a distance and wear them for special occasions. Or around people you simply MUST tower over.

And one more:

Cropping Caution: Cropped tops and cropped jackets are a great look over a long T-shirt and jeans, or a pencil skirt. They are particularly cute camoflauge if you are blessed with more-generous-than-36A bra size. However, unless you have fab abs, please please do NOT inflict your tummy bulge on the world. No matter what the ad says, do NOT, under any circumstances, 'fall into the GAP.' Ick.

Now, go out there and save the world ... and look good doing it! xoxoxo